Still Dealing with Stuff

For the first time since I got seriously into this blogging stuff (that’s 2-3 posts a week), I haven’t felt like writing. I actually haven’t checked the site in a few days nor even looked at my stats (a sure sign that something is wrong!).

Anyway, I am still dealing. Work for me feels like I have no way to succeed and no way out. Husband got some really bad news on his end, too. And we both very very much want him to have a job again.

We wonder what God is up to. Even though we KNOW He loves us, care of the Cross, sometimes we both feel like losers, like we aren’t good enough to deserve a better life.

Are we the only ones who ever feel that way?

In our heads, we know God has a good plan. But will we ever have the ministries we dreamed of? Will we really fall more in love with Jesus (right now, I don’t particularly feel my usual desire to do so)? Will we somehow grow stronger through our pain? It doesn’t feel like it. We both feel sort of half alive, numbing pain with spider solitaire, naps, books, TV (even The Bachelor… sad).

Pray for us. Pray that God finishes breaking us and does what He is doing. Or gives us the patience to keep on, to get hope, to rise above.

And helps us raise our wonderful kids well (what blessings, those two!). We do worry that our pain and our response to it will affect them. Good thing God is sovereign.

Thanks, Longing (for a break)

Tough Week

Hey, all. I’ve put up and taken down two posts that indicate what a rough week I’ve had.

So, I’ve not been up to writing much more or reading your stuff.

Will be back when the “mood” strikes.

Sad About Miley Cyrus

Among my most visited posts were two I wrote about taking my daughter to the Hannah Montana concert:  Spiritual Formation & Hannah Montana and Post-Hannah Montana Concert Observations.

That’s my daughter at right, ordering dinner right before the concert, wearing her new Hannah Montana shirt.

As I was leaving on a business trip the other day, I heard a soundbite on the Today show about some pictures Miley posed in for Vanity Fair magazine. A couple of days later, I saw the pix and read the article, plus saw some other Miley photos posted online.

In the Vanity Fair picture, Miley is posed with a bare back and only a sheet up top. In one of the other pictures online, she is pulling her shirt down to expose her bra. In others, she is laying on the couch with a boy.  If this is what happens before the world, what happens behind closed doors? NOTE: Subsequent articles have suggested that this is not Miley, but a look-alike. That makes me feel better, because in my mind these pictures were worse than the Vanity Fair one. Note again: No, it was Miley. Ick.

In the article, Miley also claims that “Sex in the City” is her favorite TV show. Isn’t this the TV show that features a different girl in bed with a different guy each week? Isn’t Miley 15 years old? NOTE: I’ve recently read that she watches a cleaned-up version on regular cable…

Sigh.

I had to tell my daughter who idolizes Miley that these pix (she saw the Vanity Fair one) were not (in my opinion) appropriate for a 15 year old Jesus-lover.  (In one of my posts I wrote how Miley in her concert program twice mentions the Bible, plus I have heard her talk elsewhere of her faith). 

I couldn’t figure out how to tell my 9-year old daughter the reason I felt the photos weren’t ok: that Miley’s provocative poses were inappropriate for a virgin, that they seemed in some way to degrade her femininity.

I did tell my daughter that I was sad for her. I had previously felt ok supporting her Miley addiction because I thought Miley was a good role model, someone who claimed to be a Christian, and acted appropriately. I am not as sure now about encouraging her to adore MIley.

Oh, well.

Frankly, I am rather angry at her parents. Shouldn’t they - who also claim to be believers - have taught her better? Have protected her soul from this temptation and her heart from this humiliation? Maybe I should be angry at her grandmother if she was indeed at the photo shoot (apparently the parents had left when the racy - called “artsy” - picture was taken). Not racy if you are 25, but certainly not ok for a 15 year old, In My Humble Opinion.

I know, it’s none of my business and I don’t know the details.

But, anyway, I am sad.

I am sad for Miley that she may be moving in a dangerous direction. Her Disney predecessors sure don’t give me much reason to be encouraged. I worry that her soul may be torn away from loving Jesus, the only real treasure.

I am slightly hopeful that maybe the public outcry will help Miley seek Jesus in all this.

At least I hope so.

Dear Lord: Please help Miley and her family seek you in all this. If necessary, help them to repent. Help them to realize how many Christians were crossing their fingers that here was a secular star that they could encourage their daughters to emulate. But, Lord, don’t let them change for PR purposes, but to reflect Your glory and Your high esteem of Miley as a woman. Please, Lord. Amen

Single, Lonely, and Sexless

I may be stepping into hot water with this post. Frankly, I am a bit worried.

 

But here goes.

 

I recently read a post by John Shore entitled: Homosexuality Isn’t Stealing or Lying–But It Is Being Lonely

 

You can imagine that there was plenty of discussion in the comment section following the post. I added my two cents… and actually thought some of what I wrote was worth re-iterating here (she said, humbly).

 

In fact, I took exception to the phrase “…It Is Being Lonely.”

 

One notion in the article was that if homosexuals decide not to engage in sex at all (if they believe Scripture reserves sex for heterosexual marriage), then these folks are consigned to a life of loneliness because of who they are. Many folks see this as patently unfair to those homosexually inclined.

 

However, for those of us who are female Christians, and who - so it seems - overwhelmingly outnumber our male counterparts, we often feel just as “stuck” in our singleness. I realize that some may say, “Well, as a heterosexual, at least you have the hope of marriage,”  but I can assure you, I often did not feel that way.

 

I was in my late 30s when I finally married and have many, many wonderful, committed Christian girlfriends who will likely never marry and experience the intimacy of marriage (ok, guys, get busy!).

 

No matter your situation, if God did restrict sex to a heterosexual marriage (Mark 10: 1-12 might be used to support this interpretation), He didn’t do it because he is a cruel task-master.

 

No: His commands are always borne of love (Romans 8:32).

 

So what do single people do?

 

How do we live with this command?

 

How do we live with this sense of imposed loneliness and exile to non-intimacy?

 

Well, face the facts.

 

Being single - not necessarily out of choice - can be a wonderful life of deep intimacy with the Lord and amazing friendships.

 

From scripture, we know that the single life:

n     often allows greater service (see 1 Corinthians 1:32-35 — I know this from experience),

n     can lead to deeper intimacy with Jesus (ask Paul who was single when he wrote “to live is Christ” Philippians 1:21),

n     is a particular calling (Matthew 19:12), and, of course,

n     was the life Jesus led.

 

And really, it doesn’t have to be lonely.

 

I must say that, other than having a 24-hour friend around (my husband), for most of our marriage, I was far lonelier than when I was single and in a great community. Even when I lived in the former Soviet Union (when it was such) as a missionary and was often very alone (not just by myself, but in a strange culture who’s language I hardly understood), I very strongly felt God’s presence.

 

But what about the loss of physical intimacy?

 

Well, it’s true that those of us who do not marry a person of the opposite sex will deny ourselves sex and the particular companionship of marriage. But what blessings come from the denial!!

 

What intimacy with the Savior when we say no to what we want and yes to what we don’t want because we trust that He has a better way, a way that we don’t always comprehend.

 

We have the amazing opportunity to share in His sufferings (Romans 8:17).

 

And one day, any loneliness or sadness or struggle with the flesh that seems to render these Biblical commands either meaningless or just plain mean — all will pass away, along with our tears, and we will stand before our Lord, free from the bodily ravages of sin and death, utterly fulfilled, and never again alone!

Consider Jesus

I’m in this great Bible study group.

We just finished studying Revelation. Now we are into Hebrews. Yeah: we try to take it easy…

I lead our recent discussion of Hebrews, chapter 3. In verse 1, the writer encourages the readers to “consider” Jesus, to think about Him, to “fix” their thoughts on him.

Then the author goes off on some tangential comparison of Moses and Jesus. And just when we get used to that discussion, he tell us that our courage and confidence are proofs we are in the family of God.

Then he goes off on another direction, discussing those terrible wilderness wanderers who were always questioning and disobeying God to the point He said, in effect: “No more. You aren’t going to the Promised Land. No rest for you!”

So what’s that all about?

Well, we discussed how in our lives, we often feel unrest. And we circled back around to that notion that we need to have courage and confidence.

Why did Israel grumble and then rebel? ‘Cause they didn’t have confidence in God’s good intention toward them. They didn’t have courage to trust Him. So they hardened their hearts in anger, took matters into their own hands, and rebelled.

You’ve got to be kidding me?

I mean, as the writer points out in verse 16, these were the same folks that Moses led out of Egypt.

And how did Moses lead them out? Well, with about a zillion miracles, not to mention the passover deal, the waters parting, the cloud by day and the flame by night…. You get the point.

How could these people have lost confidence in God’s goodness, complained, rebelled, and, eventually, lost their rest?

They forgot to remember.

They didn’t consider what God had done. They didn’t think about how much he loved them and would protect and take care of them, based on his past actions. They didn’t fix their minds on the past.

And that’s what happens with me. I forget Jesus. I forget the past. I forget the cross.

What better proof of God’s good intention towards me than the cross?

And when I forget, and life caves in; I grumble, I rebel, I sin. If not outwardly, inwardly.  I lose confidence in His goodness.

Then I lose my rest. I feel twisted and knotted and angry and frustrated and depressed inside.

So, my Bible study group asked: how do we avoid the same mistake as the wilderness wanderers? How do we fix our thoughts on Jesus? How do we consider Him in the midst of turmoil?

We thought of two things:

1. When we feel that loss of rest, try and look at the cross. Try and remember Jesus dying for us. When we do that, we realize we don’t need whatever we are losing (a job, a friend, someone’s respect…) in order to be worth something. Our worth is measured in the price paid for us: the blood of the Son.  And we can have courage that he who laid his life down for us will surely take care of us. Somehow we felt that focusing on Jesus at such times would help gain perspective.
2. We also talked about the need to stop during the day and just refocus on Jesus. My pastor told me once that he stopped for prayer three times a day, cause if he didn’t, his mind would just wander away and the cares of the day would consume him. I’ve tried it before. I think I need to try it again.

Any other ideas on how to consider Jesus? Please share them!

Dear Lord: Thank you for that great Bible study this week. Sometimes I feel like we are touched when we are together, feel some conviction, then walk back into our lives… unchanged. We were all pretty aware that we need to think about you and remember what you did for us more often. Can you help each of us do that? Thanks. Amen.

The Things [My] Kids Say

I’ve been told you’re supposed to write down the things your kids say so that, one day, everyone can look back and get a good chuckle.

Well, I didn’t do that for #1.

But I can for #2: right here. See the last quote: Is Corduroy for Real?

Heard at sister’s softball game:

Mom, who is the versus? (it took 3 requests for repeats and another mother’s interpretation to understand our daughter was asking the name of the other team).

Heard after a hot day:

Mom, I was so hot, it was like two suns were out.

Heard by Dad:

Daddy, I keep praying God will make you thin. But, I prayed it wouldn’t rain the other day…and it did.

Ten Questions I’ll Ask God When I See Him

I’d like to have a few things cleared up when (and if) I enter the pearly gates.

So I’ve compiled my own Top 10 list: Top 10 Questions I’d Like God to Answer When I See Him (I heard He’d take an eternity to answer these…).

(Please add your questions in the comments, too).

So (drum roll), here we go, kids:

10. Did you ever tell jokes when you were here, Jesus? (If so, what’s the best joke you ever told?)

9. Why did you pick 12 men to be disciples and no women? (Along the same line, why were women never priests in the OT? and, finally, What is your position on women elders and why?)

8.  How do you reconcile man’s responsibility with your sovereignty? (this question takes care of a number of questions including, but not limited to, are you a Calvinist?)

7. How could Adam and Eve have sinned when they had everything they needed in the garden? I am specifically referring to the fact that they were in your presence, could experience your glory, so why go for something as stupid as that fruit?  Speaking of the fall, are you supra or infra? (lapsarian, that is). And why even allow (and/or plan for) a fall?

6. (Having looked around): Why is _________________ here and _________________ not here?

5. Are you a young-earther or an old-earther (and exactly what did you mean by the Genesis 1 and 2 creation accounts)?

4. What’s your view of infant baptism vs. believer’s baptism by immersion?

3. Are you pre-, post-, or a-mil?

2. Why did you seem to take so much time spiritually forming so many of us (please refer to my earlier post: Impatient with God)?

and the number 1 question for God when I reach heaven (assuming I do):

(drum roll)

1. What team did you want to win the NCAA Basketball Championship?

Ok. Ok. I cheated. Some of the questions are multiple questions.

And not all of these are REALLY my top 10 questions (well, some of them are), but the top 10 I could think of at the moment.

Now it’s your turn. I want to read your questions, both serious and fun. So, comment on!

Dreaded Taxes: Tool of God

I utterly hate tax time.

I hate pulling together all the stuff. Since I’m a perfectionist, I have to make sure I exactly document business and medical expenses, deductions, charitable donations, etc., etc., etc. It makes me crazy. And I am infinitely glad it is done. For 2007.

But what makes me crazier, however, is finding out exactly how much a certain spouse of mine spends on some of his favorite past-times, one of which is collecting books. I am serious here.

Now that I have written this, he is really going to press me to change my email address and blog URL so no-one, I mean, no-one can ever learn his dirty little secret:

He’s a biblioholic.

 (A little TMI aside: On top of getting all the junk together, I had a little procedure at the Dr’s this am which required I eat nothing yesterday and, on top of fasting - which makes me very touchy - drink what seemed to be gallons of the most vile liquids imaginable.  For those who know what I am speaking about - Katie Couric - I was also up half the night a la salle de bain.)

So, I was in a pretty bad mood working on the taxes.  Usually, I get really, really angry at said spouse about said spending habits - an anger that seems more justified now because I am currently the one earning the bread. (So, guys who are primary providers, now I know a bit what it feels like to have a wife who’s addicted to the mall).

But, wait. There’s a miracle!

A friend came over last night and (between my runs to la salle) we all three chatted. 

My husband told him that he was amazed how well I was handling his 2007 spending sprees (and, hey, books weren’t the end of the story). He even said I was “heaping burning coals” on his head with my kindness (see Romans 12:20).

I was in shock (a good kind of shock) and in response muttered something like, “Well, when I stand back from the situation and take the long perspective [dear reader, that would be God's perspective], I realize that this is really not my problem. After all, God owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10) and He will take care of us.”

Oh, Lord: Sometimes I feel like I never learn, I never grow. In fact, in my heart, I still felt twinges of anger about what seems like injustice - but maybe not so angry as last year, or the year before.  I do believe your grace is changing me little by little. And my husband’s obvious conviction about the situation shows he is changing little by little.  Thank you for his encouraging words about and to me. Thank you that each of our sins and each of our spiritual journeys are, in the end, your problem. And thank you that all our money is yours, anyway. Oh, one more thing: thanks for the rock polisher that is marriage. Amen

PS. About my struggle with the slow pace of spiritual formation, see Impatient with God

In Vitro & Stem Cells: An Unwitting Hypocrisy

I’ve been bothered — agitated — for some time about a very hypocritical situation in the American evangelical church.

A May 9, 2003 New York Times article said:

Fertility clinics in the United States have accumulated some 400,000 frozen human embryos, about twice the number estimated, since 1986 when the in vitro fertilization procedure began, the first official inventory has found.

The calculation is likely to influence the debate over human embryonic stem cells, which are derived from surplus embryos.

About the same time, my husband and I had given up on fertility treatments and were on the way to adopting our second child from China (the first came the natural way).  During the treatments, I attended a support group at my church for women in similar straits: wishing to be pregnant, but so far unable to.  Several women in the group had used in vitro as a fertility method.

It really bothered me.

For those of you who don’t know, the in vitro procedure involves removing eggs from the woman and a ton of sperm from the man, fertilizing the eggs in a test tube, and re-implanting some or all of the resulting embryos into the woman’s womb to develop for 9 months before birth. If not all of the embryos are implanted, the rest are frozen for later use.

The women in my fertility group didn’t seem to either know or consider the ethical issues surrounding in vitro.  As a consequence, many of these women became unwitting hypocrites, adding their embryos (their children!) to the freezers that embryonic stem cell scientists want to access.  We say “no embryonic stem cell research” while populating the freezers.

What bothered me more was that it seemed no one was advising otherwise.  Pastors weren’t educating their parisioners about in vitro, informing them of the ethical consequences, as far as I could tell.

I’ve talked to Focus on the Family (their ethics person and a board member), my pastor, my OB, a local clinic that helps folks adopt embryos, emailed folks involved in like issues, and I feel like I get nowhere.

So I am blogging.

If we Christians believe that abortion is wrong because we believe that an embryo is human, then serious ethical issues with in vitro arise:

• These embryos, if not implanted and allowed to be born, will eventually die and will certainly never hear the gospel (and the Bible is definitely unclear about the eternal destiny of the unborn, so better to be safe than sorry).
• If several embryos are implanted, there’s a very good chance that some of them will die or have birth defects due to “overcrowding” (by the way, this is true of any kind of fertiliy treatment if it leads to multiple conceptions — for example, ”in the case of the McCaughey septuplets from Iowa, two of the seven were born with cerebral palsy.” -Monday January 8, 2007 CityNews.ca Staff. Who’s responsible for the deaths or birth defects resulting from any kind of fertility treatment?)
• The jury is out whether the act of implanting or unfreezing the embryos causes damage and/or death
• If a life is successfully conceived in the test tube, but implanted in an inhositable womb (often the cause of infertility) and it dies, who is responsible?

This is a plea for pastors to educate themselves and their congregations.

It’s a plea for Christian couples to reconsider in vitro.

It wasn’t until after I finished my 6 months of treatment that I thought about the overcrowding issue mentioned above (we stopped short of in vitro). Fortunately, I never conceived, and had I, the lackluster condition of my aged eggs suggests that I would have conceived twins at worse.

And if you have gone through fertility treatments or in vitro, please don’t heap guilt on yourself. I am not trying to do so. I didn’t even think of some of these consequences until after the fact. Who was there to tell me? And if you have frozen your embryos and can’t implant them all, you can give them up for adoption via many programs springing up around the US, including http://www.nightlight.org/snowflakefaqsap.htm

Oh, Lord: How often I have asked you what you want me to do about this. I’ve felt so alone and voiceless ever since I thought about these issues. I am sure the medical field is aware of the ethics here, but why isn’t the information reaching the pews? Is there more you want me to do than write this post, to be viewed by only dozens, if that? Please show me. Amen.

 

 

Impatient with God

I am feeling rather annoyed about how slowly God seems to be moving these days.

“Sanctification” is one of those fancy terms for the change Christians allegedly undergo over time, the process by which God helps them turn from sin (also known as repentance) and turn to him (a.k.a. consecration). It’s the same thing as spiritual formation.

The point of this process is that Christians should become better over time. They should start to think more and act more like Christ. Their souls should turn from loving the things of this world to living as if this world isn’t so important. And they should fall more in love with God. 

So, here’s what bugs me:  Why does it take so long???

Jesus paid for sins in an instant on the cross, enduring innumerable eternities of hell in a moment.

If God could take care of sin in a day, why does it take so danged long for Him to work in me to get rid of one bad habit, or one stinky motive, or one bitter attitude? 

I am sad to say that after a near lifetime, I may never change in many many ways.

This inquring mind wants to know: Why not?

God spoke the universe into existence. So, why does He take so long to change me?  I mean, He has the power to do it a heck of a lot faster.

I don’t know why.

But it irritates me.

Especially when I’m waiting for someone else to change.

Well, I’ll file it under “all things that come to pass, He does for His own glory.”  (my paraphrase of answer to question 7 of the Westminster shorter catechism)

And, besides, I really will change in an instant… one day.  As the apostles said:

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 1 Corinthians 15: 51-52

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 1 John 3:2

Until then,

…we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Dear Lord: Thank you that one day, you will change me in an instant, getting rid of all the yuck. Yea! It will happen when I see your face. Maybe if I gaze more often at your beauty now, I can speed up the process here on earth. In any case, help me to be patient with your timing. I know it’s for my good even if I don’t like it. And it’s for Your glory. Oh, if you don’t mind, could you hasten the process in the lives of some of my friends? You know who I am talking about. Thanks. Amen.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yep. Today’s the day.

I broke my leg, too.

April Fool’s!

About the leg, not the birthday.

I am entering another decade. I refuse to say which, but suffice it to say, I am not happy about having attained this particular year of my life. So I have taken to saying I am xxty-ten, not my actual age.

My daughter (the one with the sneer) awoke me way too early this morning and told me to come downstairs. Breakfast and coffee were served. My favorite card:

Outside - “You have to confess it’s your birthday, but as far as your age goes…”

Inside - “You have the right to remain silent.” (to the tune of the “Law and Order” theme song).

Doo doo. Doo doo doo doo doo.

My girls know what I like.

For more about this wonderful day, please visit: http://www.infoplease.com/spot/aprilfools1.html

The Perfect Church, Part 3: the Rest

You know, writing about the perfect church is tiresome.

First of all, you get sort of sad realizing that the perfect church will never happen this side of heaven.

Then, you feel sort of worn out when you get convicted that you gotta stop complaining and get in there and help fix things.

Therefore, in order not to tire myself too much, this will be my last installment in The Perfect Church series. For those new readers, this series sprang (sprung? springed?) from a posting entitled Why Should I Go to Church? 

I decided from the huge response to that post to talk about what I’d like in the Perfect Church. Therefore, I posted The Perfect Church, Part 1: the Sermon  and The Perfect Church, Part 2: Community. This last Perfect Church installment will be the catch-all for everything else I want in a church, well mostly everything else.

Since what I’d like in the perfect church are things spread across a broad spectrum. I will simply list them. By the way, if you know any pastors, please send them here. If you’d like, I’ll send an anonymous email invitation to your pastor.

Worship.  Do not limit music to one genre. Do not play songs that repeat the same chorus line 37 times (while I go catatonic). Do not attempt to engage the spirit by maudlin displays of emotion. No banners. No handbell choirs (sorry, kids). Here’s what I want: good music and good lyrics. I want to sing 500 and 1 year old songs that exalt God and reflect truth. We are throwing the baby out with the bathwater when we fail to sing A Mighty Fortress and Crown Him with Many Crowns. And I love some of the newer praise songs, too. But don’t change the song selection so often that I don’t get a chance to learn the tunes, much less, the words. I want classical music and instruments. I want praise bands (with decent musicians) and praise leaders. I even want the occasional good organ (not the kind that sound like they belong in a carnival). I don’t want tacky. Please, no tacky. That’s all. Next.

Pastors. Rule 1: every pastor should spend at least 1 year before seminary, preferably 2, working in the “real world” to understand what it means to be a lay person. I mean, come on, we have lives. We aren’t robot volunteers. Hey, have you ever wondered what the heck pastors do with their time? IMHO, they could use the discipline of the market before they serve in the sanctuary of the soul. Rule 2: every pastoral staff has to have at least one pastor with the gift of pastoring (a.k.a. shepherding). You’d think that would be the case, but we’ve got staffs full of preachers, administrators, leaders, etc., etc. But do we have pastors on staff who are really good at making us feel cared for? Not often enough. Rule 3: every pastor must realize that the real ministers are the people. The pastor’s job is to equip the people to do the work of ministry.  People are not there to serve the pastors or to be part of their programs. Pastors are there to serve the people so that they can in turn use their spiritual gifts to advance the Kingdom. Rule 4: the people will remember that pastors (and their wives) are sinful human beings with feelings who need encouragement and support, too.

Leaders. People would be chosen to lead - not based on their secular success - but based on their spiritual maturity. Which means, I am tired of seeing elders who are hardly capable of conducting spiritual discipline, much less of keeping doctrine pure.

Discipleship. Hello? Hello? My husband (a between-callings pastor) says that American Christians are Biblically illiterate. And I am inclined to agree. Now, why am I (a mere layperson) - and many of you, dear readers -  not Biblically illiterate? I credit God and His tools: people (mostly other laypeople) in my life who took the call to disciple others seriously. And para-church ministries that make sure those they ministered to got the basics. I realize it’s much easier to corral and teach those who want to be teached (and those are the people that para-church ministries run with), but the church has GOT to find some inticing way to impart the basics — and then the more advanced stuff — to everyone in the church. Don’t get me started on bad theology, either…

I’m sure there’s more that I can say. But, then I’d get really tired. And worn out.

Dear Lord: What do you want me to do with all this stuff? It gets wearisome carrying around things I can do nothing about. I guess I should pray more. Show me, show our family, where you want us to end up church-wise and how you want us to serve. Maybe in some teeny way we can help the church move ever so slightly towards your vision of what she should be.  Amen.

 

 

 

 

Isn’t Assisted Suicide Illegal?

I am stunned. I have been reading a book by an author I really like. This is maybe the fifth of her books I’ve read. This one, like two others, is about her life of faith in Jesus.  I don’t agree with her about everything, but I like her honesty and humor and what appears to be a life re-arranged by God.

Last night I read a chapter where this author describes assisting in a friend’s suicide. The friend was dying of cancer. The author offers to help the friend end his life on his terms. She does so by purchasing the barbituates, grinding them up, and feeding them to her friend, who dies shortly thereafter.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this. I did some research online only to discover that this chapter had previously been published in a major newspaper as an op ed piece two years ago.

This author basically confesses to helping someone die and it does not appear that she was arrested. Isn’t this an illegal act? I mean, really illegal? In fact, the only consequence I could see was that someone cancelled one of her speaking engagements.

I’m not trying to land this person in jail (I even had a dream she accused me of doing so by writing this post), but even a very liberally-oriented friend asked if this woman had been arrested when I told her the story. I mean, Kevorkian was put in jail for this, right?

I understand that we — people in general and Christians in particular — don’t agree about everything. I can even get why people think such a death in such circumstances is ok.

But somehow it feels really wrong.

And I really thought this act broke the law. If so, why did nothing happen? Why no fuss?

I’m still feeling uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. So I thought I would blog about it.  And see what you all say.

The Perfect Church, Part 2: Community

Like I said in a previous blog on this subject (The Perfect Church, Part 1: the Sermon), I am writing this post as a consequence of the overwhelming response I got to my post called Why Should I Go to Church? I thought I would write down what for me are features of the perfect church.

In part 2, I discuss the community of a perfect church.

Throughout my college days and most of my many years as a single professional woman, I almost always went out to lunch with some friends after church. Typically, we’d talk about what we’d learned. But we’d also just sit around being friends.

Boy, do I miss that. We rarely if ever go out to lunch with friends after church (unless, of course, we call and schedule ahead of time).

So, in the perfect church, the minute the service ends, everyone hangs around to greet each other (even and especially strangers), then naturally head out in groups for a time of fellowship and food. I know, I know it’s hard for families to do this. But I can dream, can’t I?

Rather than go on endlessly (and in my stated desire to keep these posts short), I’ll list some other marks of community in the “perfect” church we may not see ’til heaven. Such a community is:

Safe. People don’t worry about being misjduged, poorly judged, wrongly judged, or just plain judged about what they say of who they are (even if rabidly conservative or liberal). (FYI, the discerning kind of judging is ok and in fact is required for the transformation discussed below.) Oh, and people just feel loved.

Varied.  The community is mixed. Young and old. Stark white and people of color. National and international. Unbelievers, seekers, and believers. Sinners (there’s no opposite here since we are all sinners and such a church wouldn’t make people feel like they were worse sinners). Men and women (and neither sex force fit into “roles,” either). It’s a place where everyone feels welcomed and hangs out (see “safe” above). One of the neat things about the little online community I’ve stumbled into here is that we are more racially mixed than most churches.

Inclusive. No one feels left out. When people enter a room, they instinctively look for and reach out to the person who is not part of a group, the person who looks afraid and alone. They don’t run as fast as possible to seek the safety of the “in crowd.”

Real. People feel free to take their masks off (see “safe” above) and be who they are. It’s a place where you are ok to open up, where moving beyond the surface is encouraged and accepted. Where the sins beneath the sins can be exposed and dealt with. But it’s also a place where folks don’t have to go deep but can just have a good ole time.

Transformational. Such a community is one where lives change through the grace of relationships. When you and I get together and talk deeply, the new life within each of us through the Holy Spirit begins to stir. We touch each other and draw each other closer to Jesus through loving and honest talk. We encourage each other to put on the new and  take off the old, through the Spirit’s leading. Not through guilt, but with grace (see www.newwayministries.com for more about this type of community).

Serving. The greek term for fellowship suggests a community that moves forward together. One of the most wonderful communities I experienced was with a group of folks I led to Moscow, Russia, for a weeklong missions trip where we shared the gospel many times a day. It seems like community grows deep in the process of serving together.  That suggests that the most vibrant community is one where everyone is using their spiritual gifts together in some capacity of service.

Ok, that’s about enough perfection for now. 

Still thinkin’ about the next topic…

Dear Lord: By your amazing grace, I have experienced community like this here and there (even in cyberspace!). By the gift of technology, I continue to connect to those who have a transformational impact on my life, who are safe for me, who love me. I’ve had a stirring in me that perhaps you are calling us to help create such a community somewhere. Lord, right now things seem very temporary in our lives, but to you, it’s just a nanosecond. It’s just part of the big plan. Help me to be patient and to trust you. But, if you don’t mind, sooner rather than later, could you give us some direction? Find us a community?  As always, it’s your will that counts. Thanks. Amen.

The Perfect Church, Part 1: the Sermon

I keep getting a lot of hits on my posting in which I asked: Why Should I Go to Church? In the comment section, I promised to write a multi-part essay on my idea of the perfect church. So, here goes.

Let’s start with the sermon (part 1). What constitutes the perfect sermon for me? 

Glorifies God

I’d leave the sermon with my mind fixed on God. Somehow the preacher would so lift the Trinity up, I would find myself in awe of God in some new way. How often do we leave church this way? How often is God so extolled that we leave church with our minds in heaven, so to speak?

A wife of a pastor friend of mine once said that the best sermons start with everyone holding a pencil, but end with everyone listening intently, pencils down. They start with information and end by grabbing the listener’s heart. This particular pastor has for years ended every sermon by focusing on the gospel. How can you not think about Jesus when you’ve just heard once more the great love which drove Him to suffer and die for you?

In my opinion, a sermon reveals God’s glory most when it presents an orthodox view of God. Many trends in evangelicalism are subtly leading away from such a view, but that discussion is for another blog. Suffice it to say, I prefer sermons that reveal a God who is sovereign, omniscient, omnipotent, immutable, both fully just and fully loving (the definition of love); a God who became human, understands my life, suffered out of love for me and submission to the Godhead, credited his perfect record of obedience to me, and died as a substitutionary sacrifice in my place.

Convicts with Grace

But I’d also leave with some conviction of sin. It for sure wouldn’t be that ugly shamed feeling, but that dual sense of the utter awareness of the terrible treason of a particular sin — at the same time a feeling of liberation, freedom, newness. 

Such conviction is like a knife through the heart. Clean. Quick. Immediate results. Human-induced shame and guilt hang around forever. They become self-centered puddles of self-loathing that achieve nothing.

At one of the churches we recently attended, I thought, “Hm, this pastor is pretty good.” Then he said, “When you get to heaven and God shows you the plan for your life, how would you feel if — by your lack of love – you missed that plan.”

WHAT??

I jabbed my husband in the ribs as if to say: This ain’t the church for me. That’s what I mean by a sermon that shames you, one that makes you worry about missing out.

I personally believe that when Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do,” He is promising that I will do those good works! What a promise! And Philippians 3:13  says: “for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”

Sermons that level guilt-trips at us are simply not a part of the gospel which says:

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Hebrews 10:22

The conviction that comes from grace preached is something entirely different. I call a counselor friend of mine the “velvet hammer.” After spending time with him, I feel both convicted and loved.  Jesus was the same way.  And so are good sermons.

Does a Few More Things

Finally, the perfect sermon (for me) has a few more features. In good sermons, the preacher:

• is teaching himself as he teaches me. The sermon is fresh. The preacher is real, humble. There’s no sense that I’m being talked down to
• shows enough intelligence that I’m not embarrassed to bring unbelieving friends to the service
• is balanced the way I think Jesus would be: not committed to either the left nor the right, but to the truth (which typically offends both)
• goes below the surface. By this I mean that the sermon isn’t a bunch of To Dos, but shows a deep understanding of why we Don’t. The preacher recognizes that beneath some of our most “righteous” works — and certainly under our obvious sins — lurks a deeply invested sin machine. The sermon echos the truth that in many cases we can’t simply decide To Do the right thing, but that our unconscious sinful commitments (the flesh’s idolatries) must be revealed and addressed, a job which takes time and the miraculous intervention of the Holy Spirit
• has a high view of Scripture (believes it’s inspired by God) and either preaches straight from the Bible or using principles from the Bible

Oh, Lord: I know I ask for a lot. And I’m willing to take less in a sermon. Please lead our family to the church You have in mind, no matter how perfect… or not. Amen

Stay tuned: The Perfect Church, Part 2: Community

Doggie Do-Over (Phunny Photos)

Scarlet (reddish) and Coco (brownish) got haircuts yesterday.  Top pix are before. Bottom are after.

My sister and family tell me the before pix look like mug shots (they also said poor Coco looks like a hedgehog) and the after pix, as if the dogs have had a little too much to drink.

Tell me what YOU think!

P.S. I’m posting this, in part, for my kids to see, since they are at Grandma’s for spring break.

Why Should I Go to Church?

My family left today for spring break. My husband and daughters are travelling miles and miles, over bridges, etc., etc. to Grandmother’s house.

I am staying home to work, sleep (been sick), and generally get caught up in life. After the family drove off, I had just enough time to get ready to go to church. But I didn’t.

Why? I am tired of it. I just can’t find a good reason to go to church anymore.

If you decide to leave comments,  puhleeze don’t leave any scripture. I know exactly the scriptural reasons why I am supposed to go to church. I’ve taught them for years. But do I need to go into one of these buildings and hang out with these folks and hear these sermons to “go to church?” I sadly think I have no other choice. But I wish I did.

For most of my Christian life (some 30 odd years), I attended church faithfully. Most of that time, I loved going to church. I couldn’t wait to go see my friends, sing the songs, and hear the preacher reveal some new insight into the Bible.

The highlight of my church-going experience was when I landed on the team of 15 or so folks who gathered to plant a new church in a big city.  We all completely agreed with the goal of the founding pastor: to have an impact on this city simply by teaching the gospel and living out our faith.  After the first meeting I attended, I went to dinner with this pastor and family. During dinner, the pastor tossed a balled up napkin at the head of his son; his irreverence won me over. I joined up.

It was an amazing ride to see God work. Hearts touched. Lives changed. All-night prayer vigils. Amazing friendships. Volunteers and money flowing to down-and-outer ministries around the city.

As for me, I learned in my heart something I’d long held in my head: God’s grace truly means that I can’t earn His love. I don’t have to pay Him back for my sins. And I don’t have to work my way into His good opinion. He loves me “just as I am.” And He died to make our relationship possible.

Then I met my husband and became a pastor’s wife.

What another kind of ride. I’ll stop here; but needless to say, it ain’t been easy. For the first time, I found church to be unsafe.

The church we’ve been attending lately is nice enough. (My husband is not on staff there, FYI). The preacher is one of the best in the city. I do enjoy the service. But it’s terribly difficult to get connected, almost impossible to find deep, meaningful friendships. And to serve. Oh, it doesn’t help that our older daughter dislikes Sunday School. Frankly, when I thought about going this morning to Palm Sunday services, I sort of looked forward to it. But I looked more forward to staying home and reading my Bible instead.

I have a small group of friends where I connect and lead our Bible study. I blog as a sort of teaching outlet. I have my family and a few close friends here and there with whom I have close fellowship. Isn’t that enough?

There are many “mature” Christians I know who feel this exact same way. We’re so familiar with scripture that there isn’t much preaching that inspires us in our local churches  any more. (We have our favorite authors and preachers who we can read and download on our own).  We’ve experienced depths of fellowship often enough through our lives that we a find the shallowness at our local churches disconcerting. So, we communicate with one another via phone and email and the occasional get together. And we’ve been leaders enough to know that the minute we pop up our heads at a local church, we’ll be asked to serve. Which is ok, until you realize that you are now set apart in a different capacity as someone who isn’t like everyone else, someone who serves, but doesn’t have any needs.

I don’t know the answer. But we’ll keep plodding forward, trying to find our place at a local church, albeit none too enthusiastically.

Dear Lord: I know what church can be like. I know what community can be like. I really want to serve in the church, too. But I am tired. Church isn’t safe anymore.  Help us not to give up, but to find where You want us to be. On Sunday mornings. Amen.

PS. After musing about what I’d like in a church, I started writing about it, with: The Perfect Church, Part 1: the Sermon, The Perfect Church, Part 2: Community, and The Perfect Church, Part 3: the Rest. Please note, this is a wish-list unlikely to be fulfilled in this world. But, it’s fun to dream, isn’t it?

 PPS. A friend is writing a response to this blog about what’s wrong with church today. Click here for the first installment:  Church 

And the second installment, about house churches: Church2

Part three, just posted: Church3

Is Corduroy for Real??

Five year old theology:

Daughter: Mom: Do you know that Corduroy is a made up book? Teddy bears don’t come alive.

Me: Yes, some books are made up stories. But what do you think about the Bible? It says that Jesus rose from the dead. I mean, that’s pretty weird.

Daughter: But that’s true.

Me: How do you know?

Daughter: Well, Jesus made everything.  A long time ago.  Like in the 70s or 80s.

 _____

Speaking of the afterlife (sort of), click here to read What’s Heaven to Me?

Crap Defined

A friend, having read my blog, Spiritual Formation and Crap , pointed out that she wasn’t sure how it applied to me (or something along that line).  Apparently she wasn’t aware of the more recent bouts of crap in my life.  Perhaps others of you aren’t sure what I meant by crap.

So, I decided to define CRAP:

Circumstances that

Result in

Anguish and

Pain

Over the last 11 years, I’ve endured a veritable sewage flow:

• Death of both parents (within 9 months of one another and before my first daughter was born)
• Moving away from my closest friends and most amazing community
• Horrible job conditions
• Horrific church situations
• Hellish “friendships”
• Husband’s health difficulties
• Husband’s loss of job 

But, puhleeze, do not feel sorry for me.

I write this list to tell you what circumstances counted as crap for me. Crap is in the eye of the beholder. Whatever makes you squirm with pain is your particular form of crap. Sometimes crap is long and protracted. Sometimes crap is just a really bad day.

Some folks might call crap suffering. A friend of mine calls these difficult times: “God’s curriculum” for us,  Gee, thanks, God… (see that blog on Spiritual Formation and Crap for more on how crap teaches us).

All the above crappiness happened after I got married. Before that blessed event, I endured many, many years of singleness (wondering if I would ever get married, watching the pretty, submissive, younger girls get the guys I had crushes on — not that I am bitter or anything…).

That was my single crap.

One thing I am so grateful for through all this crap: I now have my long sought best-friend husband and two amazing daughters (let me point them out once more in the picture above). And the two dogs (see Pardon Me. Is this Seat Taken?).

So, if you are having a particularly crappy day, week, month, year, or decade, remember: it’s all a good gift from a loving God of whom the apostle Paul said:

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things*?  Romans 8:31-32

(* If you read through the remainder of Romans 8, you will see that “all things” include some of the most difficult circumstances imaginable).

Dear Lord:

Thanks again for crap. Thanks even more that you deliver these circumstances to me with the same love that sent Jesus to the cross. No less. It’s hard to believe at times, but crap is a sign of your love for me. Help me to appreciate it more… Amen

What’s Heaven to Me?

Ok. I read this post over at Pistol Pete’s about true leadership (Servant Leaders) and it reminded me of some thoughts I have about heaven.

So, here goes.

Over the years, my view of heaven has evolved to the point that three pictures stand out in my mind when I think of my death.

Arrival

The second I enter the pearly gates and see Jesus standing there, I hit the ground. I  just go prostrate. In awe and gratefulness, I can do nothing but lie at His feet, weeping and praising Him.  I am overwhelmed by His beauty and majesty.  And after all, I am only in His presence because he died the death I should have died and lived the life I should have lived. 

When He says, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” I will only be able to thank Him through my tears: “Oh, Jesus, you did it all. Any good and faithful thing I did, you planned, you motivated, you enabled. Praise you!”  I think the crowns and rewards in scripture refer to gaining Jesus. However, if He does give me a real crown, I will immediately toss it at His feet, where it belongs.

Fulfillment

A friend once told me through tears how in a dream she was united with her very young daughter who had died two years back in a car accident. In the dream she found herself transported to heaven.  Her daughter’s evident happiness relieved my friend’s fears of having no one to take care of her daughter in death.

But the highlight of the dream was when her daughter pulled her by the hand, and, as if leading her to see the most amazing and joy-inducing toy ever built, said, “Oh, Mommy. Let me show you the best part of heaven. Let me take you to my Jesus.”  Before the introduction occured, my friend awoke.

That says it all. The most marvelous thing about heaven is that I will for eternity walk with my Lord and my God. Heaven’s ultimate joys won’t be found in cosmic gifts from a cosmic Claus. They won’t be found in perfect bodies and unsinning souls.  They won’t be found in the lack of tears and pain. Though all of those things are part of the new heavens and new earth, the ultimate joy of heaven is the presence of God. All longings in this earth are fulfilled in Him. He is the Holiday at Sea. As Jesus said,

This is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.   John 17:23

Fellowship

Finally, I think of the perfect fellowship we will have in heaven. I imagine an eternity of running around, offering apologies to one another for all our trespasses on earth, known and unknown. And laughing in awe at the fact that Jesus took care of those sins and has restored all of our relationships.

I absolutely do not think that heaven will be a place where those who behaved better on earth will have bigger homes or greater authority. In fact, I imagine that the first really shall be last. I have a scene in my head where those we regarded as the most devout saints — the Billy Grahams, the Mother Teresas, the Bill Brights, the apostle Pauls — will, along with Jesus, take the place of lowest service, washing the feet of the rest of us.

When you think of it, no wonder Paul could say,

For me to live is Christ, to die is gain.  Philippians 1:21

Oh, Lord:  My mind rarely focuses on heaven. It’s often true of me that in my day-to-day realities, “to live” is anything but Christ.  Praise you for these glimpses into heaven. Can you bring them to my mind more often, especially the one about you being the goal of all my longings? Help me to live my life way more often in light of this truth. Amen